real

My father was recently sharing in one of his messages that Selah is a time in the music when the music builds to open a pathway to vocals and lyrics, and that this musical buildup is meant to cause the words to penetrate deeper than without the buildup. He illustrated a number of Selah moments, one of which is akin to letting despondency and affliction break loose so it could be released in one fell swoop.

That said, a couple of months back I found myself in a bit of a Selah moment when I was starting to feel the culmination of a number of frustrations weighing upon me. Being someone who likes to spotlight the individual things in my life that cause strife and need to be dealt with, I spent some time trying to find out who or what to blame. It was like I kept spinning the rolodex looking for an index card that fit the bill, but I finally closed it and peered at the figurative mirror located about it. Oh, there you are, you scoundrel.

I found myself cresting downwards after a hearty time of spiritual, emotional, and mental fervor, and I think I started going into cruise control mode. I started to make inquisitive peeks into the world of politics and a broader realm of society as a whole. To be honest, I found a lot of fear, and as I kept diving further and further into this seemingly endless black hole, I felt the fear starting to nurture and comfort me. I started to feel like I belonged in this realm of fear, after all I was surrounded by so many others in the same place as me, so why not enjoy the company?

Needless to say, being one that is too introspective for my own good, this didn't fly for so long, but it did teach me some more about myself, my expectations, where I want to head in the future. I realized that my life needed a healthy dose of simplification and more time meditating on the Truth as opposed to the unknown fears that can loom in the distance or even the nearness if we choose to let it. Even something as simple as going out less and, rather, going to the gym more was starting to beef me up - physically, spiritually, mentally, and, consequently, emotionally. Offenses were, once again, falling off easier, and I felt a spark again and a general feeling of calm, joy - peace.

In this time of transitioning and getting centered again, I started to think of my place in this world. This is not a deep revelation by any means, but as much as I want to see change in the world, my part in it is only as big as I allow it to be, and nothing around me is going to change if I myself am not an instrument of change. I recently picked up a rather good book entitled Return to Authentic Christianity that didn't really challenge me as much as it validated my fears that the church is in a state of decline - away from authenticity and holiness, and gaining speed towards being relevant and cool.

I will admit that Christianity has as bad a rap as any other organized religion - people will take on the moniker of Christian and do some rather strange or divisive things that paint a bad shade on the faith system as a whole. This is not exclusive to Christianity, though - I have seen it in Islam, Atheism, Buddhism, Mormonism, and a number of other religions. Since those other faiths (and yes, I think Atheism requires as much faith as Christianity) are not my concern, I tried to understand what I could do to make Christianity more palatable, to make us Christians look much more level-headed and cooler to the masses.

You know what answer I came up with?

Nothing.

Every answer I came up with seemed to strike me as unacceptable, as if each one of my ideas meant I would be compromising an area, no matter how small, of authenticity, value, or moral constitution. Further reading of Return only seemed to further substantiate this realization. I mean, I might be alone in this way of thinking, but I actually found myself wanting to get a tattoo, not because I really wanted to get a tattoo, but because I wanted people to think "whoa, he is pretty cool, I am signing up" when they found out I was a Christian. I guess maturity has me realizing I have to stop living in such a way that proves something - that my actions not be rife with motivation to persuade people, but rather live my life for the One that gave it in the first place. I guess this is humility: realizing that I do not have the means to win people over or convince them, no matter how many tattoos I get (so far - 0), or indie bands I discuss with the dude at the local record store, but that I have to be holy, righteous, and allow Him to work through me and have His way as He sees fit.

In this is probably the ultimate simplicity and it has me laughing at some of the decisions I made, such as deactivating Facebook to quiet down the online social side of life. It is good, though: simplicity makes laughter and the efficacious laying down of overly serious thought all-too-possible.

cave

The story of David is pretty well-known: unlikely teenage hero goes out onto the battlefield and defeats fiercest warrior in all of Palestine with a mere rock. That story alone has spurned countless sermons, analogies, and stories of inspiration. Beyond this part of David's life, though, is one wrought with adversity and hardship. David is one of the most beloved figures of the Scriptures, but he was also one of the most flawed and, at times, seemingly cursed.

When David defeats the giant he is made a part of King Saul's courts and strikes up a brotherly friendship with the king's son, Jonathan. Their love is one that knows the greatest of depths and has them inseparable, brothers not by blood, but by soul ties. As the story goes, the king begins to grow threatened by David and ends up casting his spear at him, sending him running for his life and embarking on a perilous journey that sees him hiding from the king and hiding out or living in caves and other dark, gritty places.

In the church today, those who cannot seem to stay put or settle into a church home are known as "church hoppers," and looked at with suspicion, judgment, or even a little contempt. When someone displaces themselves from a community, suspicions arise, talk ensues, and theories are formulated. It is important to remember, however, that someone who has left our community has probably seen or felt the sharp end of a spear. Whether that spear was thrown from the hand of a leader, a pastor, or a congregation member, there was some harm or threat of harm that manifested and sent someone running for the hills.

The way of the Christian walk oftentimes ironically leaves little room for grace. The matured, long-time Christian should possess the gifts and fruit of the spirit that would seemingly make them impervious to mistreatment or seemingly petty squabbles. I think back to David, however, and I see a young man who probably felt more comfortable, secure, and at home in the king's palace than any other non-relative of the king. And yet, when that spear was thrown, David did not seek to make amends with the king, he did not attempt to speak to him and resolve conflict. Instead, he was overcome with fear and fled. 

I am sure this was a trying time in David's life as he found himself dirty, dark, and possibly despondent as he laid his head upon a rock to sleep. Like David, many others out there are feeling displaced and could use the hand of a king to reach out and welcome them back home or assure them they have a home, a place where their life is valuable and no longer at stake. I believe it is easy to cast people aside or write them off as a lost cause, but how many of our friends are sleeping in dark, cold caves needing just one touch to bring them back home?

shift

Terrible news broke out a few days ago that Japan had suffered the worst earthquake in its history. That earthquake and several violent after-shocks led to a land-changing tsunami that has displaced countless homes and people as well.

I also read some intriguing news about the axis of the Earth shifting by approximately 6.5 inches. This is remarkable. I do not know what the long-term affects of this will be, but while the number is small, this shift could be significant. Over a long period of time there are countless possibilities for what could change on the surface of the earth as far as weather patterns or changes in seasons go.

I got to thinking about directional change and how small shifts can completely displace you over time from where you were eventually headed. I sat back and gave some thought to it and started to demystify the oracle, that is I really took inventory of what things have caused me to shift my focus and direction this year. Then I began to ask where that focus and direction are leading me. The fact of the matter is that I take stock in and live within a giant net of grace. I think that, ultimately, my own faith and belief in what is will lead me to my inevitable destination, but shifts will determine what happens along the way.

I will admit that, sometimes, I just want the company of a few. I have my own spurts in my life where I will be like a larva in the cocoon, shutting myself in (at least socially) and allowing intensive focus and growth to occur. And then, as is inevitable for the larva, I will bust out of my shell and take to the air becoming a social butterfly. I think, sometimes, we all say or do things that have us clamoring to bury our heads back into the cocoon, but that is the plight of being imperfect people amongst others. You are going to get scuffed up, worn out, beat up, or even abused, but there is always a place you can go to that provides you time to heal, and be restored.

This might seem silly, but I really like the mess out of a Japanese cartoon called Dragonball Z. In it, there is a mighty warrior living on Earth named Goku. He is actually a descendant of a race of humanoid warriors called Saiyans. The Saiyans live for battle, the glory of victory or even defeat always motivating them to become stronger, better, faster. The unique thing about Saiyans is that they grow their strongest after being beat down almost to the point of death either physically or emotionally. When they heal from this place of near-fatality, it is then that their power level increases exponentially.

I would like to think of myself as the real-life equivalent of a Saiyan. Sometimes life has a way of making itself look like a battle, and I sometimes find myself on the ground, barely breathing, blood trickling down my nose as I gaze at the sun above me through bruised eyes. I find my shelter, my safe place, and there I let the healing happen. Pain becomes a memory, one that will alter the shift and direction I go in; it will help me to think first about just saying the things I want to say, or just doing the things I was to do. I would like to think that greater purpose is discovered, and I am much more road-ready.

Like the Saiyans in Dragonball Z, though, I do not find that forces that work against me to be weaker and easier to defeat. Those things which break you down will not have the power to do so again once you rise up against them and overcome them. Now, it will take something much bigger to take you down, but the magnitude of one's obstacles is really just a testament of the power you have achieved through maturity and the gaining of knowledge.

Japan has suffered a huge blow to its country, and yet its people have endured hardships which have solidified their resolve and have them overcoming through their grace. I read countless stories of how they never panicked and were clam in their demeanor despite harsh conditions. I think a lot of us could do ourselves a great favor by looking at the Japanese people and taking a cue from them on how they behave or react during the conditions they find themselves in. Would we in the West also be able to maintain such a high level of civility, honor, and respect during same circumstances, or do we need to grow as a people and be prepared to stand firm in the face of great adversity?

I would like to think the answer is a quick and easy "yes," but first we must shift our focus as a people from what leads us around now and towards something much greater than ourselves and our own achievements or possessions. In one mighty wave, it can all be taken away, but the Japanese have shown us that no earthquake, and no wave can take away their dignity.

love

Valentine's Day came and went rather quickly. It was a satisfying day for me as I had the night off from class and relaxed with a rather depressing movie (the previews were misleading) about the trials of a family kept at an emotional distance by the unspoken truths in their lives. In the end the story managed to teach a lesson about how sometimes love can be great, even infinite although not expressed in an explicit or clear manner.

This is hard on some people, I know. Sometimes I have to remind myself that when my dad or my sister does this, it means that. A direct communication of love is not always delivered to us in a way we are familiar and comfortable with delivering ourselves. Looking back to Chapman's "The Five Love Languages," I most identify with the language of quality time. If you have my time, my company, then you have my love. Dinner parties, a night out on the town, or a simple evening in with a movie and some food equals some of the greatest memories in my life. For my mom, gifts is an important thing and she can still recall something she received (good or bad, unfortunately) or gave and when it was given or received.

What makes me thankful for Scripture is that it seems to cover a multitude of expressions for love. There were not only the loving and encouraging words that Christ spoke to His people, His followers, and even His enemies, but there were the gifts He gave, the service He provided, the time He spent with people, and the warm embraces or power his touch had on people's lives. I myself am not adept at all of these things, admittedly. My tongue is a monster all in its own as it tends to be rife with sarcasm but then can also surprised someone with an off-the-cuff metaphor of genuine and epic proportions. I am many different things to many different people, but the core of who I am is unshakable. There is love, for not just those related to me by blood, but for those walking through life with me.

Sometimes love can drive us to do beautiful things, but it can also propel us to frustration. It was hard for Moses in his time with the Israelites to see them fall into idolatry, rebellion, and other idle practices. All he wanted to do was lead them to their destiny, their heritage, and yet the people complained, walked in selfish desire, and were oftentimes the victims of severe misfortune, hunger, and even death. They were in the midst of their walk to a land full of milk and honey, richly populated with fertile lands where their lives would be made simpler and the generations that followed them blessed beyond measure.

Moses himself was frustrated on many occasions, even getting violent and hitting things with his staff, a behavior people today would deem to be violent and threatening. But the love Moses had for his people, to me, was most evident in the fact that he continued to lead them, to walk with them. And while the people were at times his greatest heartache and detriment, they were also his commission and his purpose, his responsibility.

I have to remember Moses sometimes in my own life. I have a few people like Moses in my life that are leading me to the promised land of fulfillment, hope, peace, joy, but I know some of the people I journey with can make the journey difficult. Heck, I know I can make it difficult. One great boss I had once told me "Daniel, if you are not part of the solution, you are part of the problem." Sometimes it is hard to point out the problem without sounding like a complainer so I have been working on assessing and solving so I can provide solution rather than situation, but I know sometimes I strike that proverbial rock out of frustration and release bitterness as a result.

I do not let these faults or moments of agonizing or stopping to stub my toe stop me, though. Just like I am sometimes the helping hand or guiding voice that assists people in their time of need, so am I grateful for when those people are the very same in my own life. Nefarious forces would like us to believe these times of feeling embarrassed or silly for being, ultimately, human are just signs of weakness, but I would like to think that these are opportunities for us to lean on God's Word and also the people He brings into our lives. The expression of love can be something ostentatious, sure, but sometimes I think love is its greatest when it takes the form of someone who is always walking alongside you to some place better, even through the swamps and mire of life.

grace

I generally have these blog entries well thought out beforehand, but there is so much stirring within me that as dangerous as it might be, I think I will go with flow of consciousness.

I am being hard on myself today. I am most days, but usually only in small spurts. I think every era in time comes with its own set of hardships, its own advantages but also its disadvantages. Let me start from the beginning of this thought, though.

The other night I found my patience tried, like a frayed end of a proverbial string that was starting to unravel until it was just going to plummet to the ground. I was uncharacteristically frustrated and it was completely unnecessary. The things that were eating at me were all self-induced, the result of me accessing social and mental portals that were supposed to serve as mere distraction as opposed to substantial uses of my time or efforts. I began to think that this was life's way of punishing me for errant time and lazy behavior, and that I was learning an important lesson. I cannot argue for or against that, there might be some substance there, or I simply might be logically paving a path ahead of me I can take that will keep me from rocky terrain. Either way, it was a refreshing and eye-opening lesson to me that I cannot use my time of frivolous practices.

Social networking is a funny thing, in fact I am utilizing it right now by typing this blog, and I will follow it up with my usual Twitter and Facebook postings so that people who are bored or are naturally voyeuristic about the thoughts of another person can feed those urges. I see nothing wrong with that - reality shows prove that we are curious how other people live or exist. And because we are so curious about others, I think it is apparent we all want to foster curiosity about our own lives as well.

I find myself frustrated by the need to post things for all of my 759 friends on Facebook to see (minus those that surely have hidden me because I am either annoying, pointless, or offended with my religious views). Am I a victim of self-serving, or trying to assert my life is worth of others curiosity? Am I being fruitful and purposeful? Am I trying to rally the fans of Daniel Johnson's Life, or am I pointing you in a direction which will help you grow, think, reflect, or ponder? It is a constant struggle to want to help other people but not think about how it reflects on you as well. Pastor Rob (my senior pastor at Shoreline) said that he lives to make his wife happy, and then when she is happy it reflects on him and can express to other people that he is a good husband. It was clear that his motivation does not lie in wanting to show off himself to others, but do I always share that same motivation?

Am I important? Do I matter? I sometimes can actually sit back in my office chair and truly comprehend the vast amount of people that I share this city, this state, this country, and this globe with. Unless I am on the television, featured on Youtube, or prancing around on stage somewhere upsetting Taylor Swift, I do not get the amount of attention that I see other people get. I do not receive the acclaim, the reverence, or respect they get. And while part of me would be content to love one person and have them supply those things to me as I do them, part of me also wants it from everyone.

I can admit this, I am flawed. I am a self-serving, attention-seeking, loud-mouthed wanderer inherently. The core of who I am is selfish and only interested in convincing other people that I am someone you need to know, to befriend, and to follow. And if people buy into that, then I am leading them as the piper did the children off the cliff and into the abyss.

This is where my frustration lies, this is where I am the most guilty of my flesh being in control when I let it. This is my biggest struggle, and the hardest part of being human. Scripture? I would not know where to start with things that can be said which correlate to the pursuit of self vs. the pursuit of humility and servant hood. I think the whole story of the Bible begins with a foundation of man and woman being selfish, following their own desires and curiosity, laying down their faith in the process. And then it is all a spiraling menagerie of stories that further drive home the point that we are depraved, that we are selfish, unkind, and out to belittle, destroy, or kill those in our way.

And yet at the end of it all is the final testament of ultimate grace. The end of the story is that every instance of being told that, in spite of who we are, we are given the treasure that we could never afford. We are not the masters of our destiny, of our heritage, our inheritance. We, initiated by faith, are merely the recipients and there is nothing we can do to void that when we sign the contract and take what is rightfully ours.

It baffles me how along the way I can be so ugly, so downright detestable, and yet I am given a key to a kingdom that I was never worth of but that I have ownership in. This is the story of grace that stirs me, that gives me hope not just for myself but for those around me that madden, frustrate, and aggravate me. It is out of this and this alone that I find myself wanting to act in a different accord, against my own nature. I cannot earn grace nor can I lose it, but I will absolutely not live in such a way that says I will take advantage of it.

image

Image is a funny thing. How we are shaped shapes how we are, at least it can be. 

I am going to be blunt, Americanized image sucks, so so much. I was super fat my early years, climbing to 400 pounds. I got a lot skinnier after that, then saw some of it creep back after a couple of years of sitting in class and then a full time job 6 days out of the week with nothing but a microwave, fast food, and convenience store snacks at my disposal. I am glad to say that I am currently in the middle of progress in turning things back around and getting back in shape again.

That part of the story is important because it affected my journey and is how I relate to the issue of image affecting our self-perception and how I dealt with it. The truth is that we all have problems with our image and the person we see when we look at ourselves. We might not share the same image issues, but they are always there. In America I think we have glamorized image to the point that none of us are capable of becoming what something once told us was perfect. In that we have molded ourselves to be a self-destructive society whose daily goal is to keep reaching for that end goal, an end goal beyond reach and never fully realized until our final slumber: perfection, and the contentment therein.

For matters of health, I think that being in good shape or healthy (not always synonymous in my case) is important and vital to a long, happy life (being in shape means natural endorphins are released in your body, providing further energy and a more positive outlook on life). Growing up, though, being in good shape meant everything. As I saw myself getting bigger and bigger I saw my dreams becoming smaller and smaller. I thought myself so incapable of so many things, and of being someone of substance who could provide anything to society. I found a sense of humor to be something people were never in short supply of, though, and I did my best to keep the laughs coming. I also maintained a commitment to the church I grew up in and found one of the few joys in life being involved in the lives of the teenagers, helping to lead them and just have some fun in their life.

Through the help of surgery and then a much more active and healthy-conscious diet, I was able to start dropping weight, and fast. I found myself losing more than half of what I weighed, as if I were two people halved into one. All those years of thinking all my dreams and all my desires were unreachable were suddenly within my grasp. And when I reached out to take what was mine and what it was I felt entitled to ... I came back empty-handed. Ok, ok, I have to put out a little effort to make this happen I thought to myself, and I started to conform to images I had always seen, but never had been able to be myself due to my weight and my poor self-image. To say I became selfish and reckless is an understatement. I was destructive to a fault, and I could not function as a friend or a leader to anyone, not even myself. I betrayed myself and my values so many times, I began to feel like a living piece of sludge.

Still, God does not always call the qualified, he qualifies the called. I saw the call in a vivid dream and a spoken word that will remain with me as if it were a movie onscreen for all the rest of my days. It was a snap-to attention, and it got my full focus, but there was much more of a journey ahead of me. I had a lot of lessons to learn, a lot of tests to take, and I can not say I passed them all. I failed, failing not just in secret, but in the limelight, in front of people I respect, admired, or aimed to be like. I let down all my friends, my family, and my leaders, but still they had love for me, even if I did not know it at the time.

My journey humbled me in ways that broke me, tore me down, and ripped me apart, but it was like that scene in Spider-man where he had to literally tear the dark symbiote from his body before he could become the good-natured person he was meant to be again. I felt like I was placed on new ground, with a fresh start and a clean slate. Sure, the things that had happened in my past shaped me, gave me perspective, and keep me sharp in my humility, but it has also done a myriad of good in my life. There has been an increased sense of compassion for others who hurt, a better sense of purpose and not wasting the time that I have like I used to, the lack of desire to be selfish with my time or activities or calendar, but mostly the dependency of God to shape who it is I truly am.

After a run in college in another city, I returned to my church and have found it to be a completely different experience. The call that was placed on my life is all that mattered, and I felt as though God truly led me back to serve the church family I grew up with, as a time to pour back into something I took so much out of and took for granted before. The difference is now the image that God has of me is what makes me up, drives me, and when we can grasp that image and embrace it, we can take the focus off of aspiring for greatness and, instead, inspire to spread His glory. 

Of course, this is easier said than done.

There is still much inside of me that can be unsettled at times, and I have not transcended to some upper level of spiritual nirvana, preventing me from the mess that is to be human. When looking at God's image and then who I am side-by-side I realize there is so much that I have to learn, much growing that needs to happen. There are still dreams I have that I sometimes think would have been realized by now had I not wasted so much time. Sometimes it can be a bit debilitating and discouraging to think of how far I still have to go, but then I found comfort in this verse today: 

Ephesians 1:11-14. In him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will,  in order that we, who were the first to put our hope in Christ, might be for the praise of his glory. And you also were included in Christ when you heard the message of truth, the gospel of your salvation. When you believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God’s possession—to the praise of his glory. 

This verse was paramount in reminding me that God's plan, His will, and His image for and of our life is meant to work out, with purpose. We are guaranteed an inheritance, and with that inheritance comes promises and guarantees of who we are and what we possess. By American standards we may not be much, in fact we might be downright out-and-out, but God is the one whose standard we should measure ourselves by and how we value ourselves. There comes a time when body, spirit, and mind all come in congruence and alignment, and I continue to press towards that goal, but in the meantime I do not count this time as wasted or insufficient but timely in His ultimate purpose for my life.

write

I do not know about you, but when I was young and in grade school I was a bit of an achiever, maybe even an overachiever by some standards. I liked doing well on tests, I loved seeing the red ink on my paper in the shape of an "A," made even better when followed by a "+." The real treat, however, was when a teacher would feel compelled to write a note that expressed the impression your schoolwork had upon them. These were regarded with such high jubilation that they got a special place right smack dab on the front of the family refrigerator. I imagine I was a lot like Ralphie from "A Christmas Story" whose essay on why he should get a Red Rider BB Gun would elicit sheer praise that would warm the cold thoughts his mother had in regards to him getting one, except I did not have the unfortunate, debilitating outcome poor Ralphie when she dismissed his stance altogether and aid "you'll shoot your eye out, kid."

I myself enjoy playing guitar and singing. I spend time writing my own material, but I am also a bit of a cover artist performing under the guise Cellar Lily. I record and upload my stuff to YouTube which started at the request of some friends and co-workers who wanted to hear anything and everything I worked on. Part of the YouTube community is the ability to comment on videos. My uploads are not videos, merely a song backed by an image I think goes along with the song in a sometimes-obvious or sometimes-obscure manner. Still, people have the ability to comment and offer their opinion on my song. I am always surprised and excited to receive random emails at different times of the day notifying me that I have received a new comment, but even more pleased when they actually have something nice or encouraging to say (sometimes I get Simon Cowell wannabes on there). 

I digress to say that a lot of us enjoy the pride we feel when we not only feel we did a good job or accomplished something noteworthy, but that someone else we respect or maybe even a complete stranger marvels at what our hands and mind have accomplished. We can see these things as truths about ourselves, and it gives us a healthy and welcomed re-assurance. 

The best thing about my life, however, is that I always have an unshakable and fully-believable Truth that was written just for me. Tests have been lost in the trash, and comments stored on databases that could be erased, but every day, at any time I can turn to the Scripture and see what has been written about me, my future, my destiny. And these words can never be erased, burned, or buried because these words are written on our hearts like a tattoo that can never be removed. These are life-changing and empowering words that are branded upon us and give us complete ownership and entitlement to the keys of the Kingdom.

When times comes that I wish I could hear or read some sort of encouragement that gave me that extra spring in my step I always know where I can turn to, without fail. As Jesus states in Luke 17:20, the kingdom is not something that can be observed because it is within our midst. All we need to do to see the blueprints of the kingdom and what charge was written for our place within it is crack open the book and take a delight in what He has written for us.

hungry

Do you ever find yourself completely famished and craving that one certain thing to satisfy your hunger? I know I do. Sometimes I find it really maddening (in a funny way) to not know exactly what it is I want and then I resort to nibbling on this and nibbling on that in some misguided attempt to satisfy whatever it is my body specifically wants. It is also times like these when it is dangerous to go to the grocery store as shopping around can lead you to throwing whatever your eyes see into the cart until you get to the check out and realize you have overspent considerably when all you needed was just a few of the items you had feverishly grabbed.

In our spiritual lives it is gratifying to know that we do not have to suffer from the same fate when we have the truth of the Scripture to give us a full "shopping list," if you will. In 2 Peter 1:3 we are assured that He gives us everything we need for life and godliness. He is also referred to as the giver of our daily bread and, in John 6:35, we are told that He is the bread of life and in Him we will never go hungry again.

We as people are constantly seeking fulfillment and to feel as though we lack nothing. In our times of physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual hunger it is imperative that we are not filling our life shopping list with frivolous things to fill our proverbial pantry, be it material possessions, validation from others, social/governmental assurances, etc. Our true fulfillment comes from feeding on the truth which then aligns our daily activities, our heart, and our desires with the things that God desires. This is how we, as a consumer of the Kingdom, bring about the Kingdom for all to feast on, and be filled with.

squeeze

Last night a dear leader in the faith I loved named Earl McClellan shared an analogy about us being squeezed like play-doh through a shaped hole. When squeezed through the hole, your composition then takes on the shape of what you are squeezed through. He urged us to allow God to squeeze us so that we might be molded in His shape and image. 

This was the scope of 2010 for me, so I guess now I digress into a bit of reflection. 2009 was a quiet year after returning home to Austin and job hunting for over 7 months. Once I found a place I called home for a season, I found myself in the middle of some of the worst storms of my life. I was constantly at war with myself, led and controlled by moments, situations, and emotions I just wanted to forget. While I had grown accustomed, in these times, to use things, events, or hobbies to keep me busy and distract me, there was a righteous defiance within me to deal with things. I did not know it at the time, but this was my call to be squeezed.

When people say or do things that cause us to look at our own short-comings, depending on the level of our maturity it can be a very defensive and emotional moment. Tempers can flare, errant or hurtful words can be spoken, and dissension is possible. The truth of the matter is that being forced to look at our inefficiencies naturally draws us towards growth, and as anyone who has experienced growing pains can attest, it is uncomfortable to feel that particular pressure, as if someone is squeezing a sensitive part of ourselves. I know facing some bad roots in my life and dealing with those made me feel completely wrung out, like a dry sponge. It was as if every last drop had been squeezed out, but now I was fresh and ready to soak up the right things in my life.

In the Scriptures, 1 Peter 5:10 says that "after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace ... will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you."
If we are feeling the squeeze and running from it to earthly things (money, possessions, image, a relationship, physical pleasures, etc.), then the pressure will be alleviated and we will slip and slide through life with what is inside of us. We will still retain that which weighs us down and starts to stagnate, and stagnation leads to rot. Only when we understand and embrace the true change that being a Christian requires will we allow ourselves to be squeezed and find the things that preclude us from being agents of love, grace, joy, and peace truly drawn out of us. But if we take heed of the Scripture and recognize suffering as a time of growth, then we will find ourselves no longer restored by our own devices, by by God's renewal and strengthening.

law

I consider myself a good driver. I use my turn signal at all times, make full stops at stop signs, signal until I have completely changed lanes, and never dare venture 5MPH over the speed limit. Don't get me wrong, I had my reckless days and a few speeding tickets (over two years ago now) that cost me a perfect driving record and a lot of money. But I had an epiphany and change of heart when I was riding with my friend Marty and he expressed how awful it is to drive with a newborn in the car when people are so apt to cut you off or drive dangerously around you. I cannot even begin to recount the excessively numerous instances in which I have almost been the victim of a bad crash or death (no joke) due to some dangerous drivers out there.

People are apt to point out the fatality of many things that can injure or kill you, but I am quick to remind people that they are in far more danger every time they get behind the wheel and enter a word that makes most people tense up: traffic. In order to make traffic a safer experience there are numerous laws in place that provide the safest procedures one can follow to keep driving purposeful and devoid of danger. Every day, though, one has the free will to disregard any of these laws or throw out the the ones they see to be the least important in order to get somewhere faster, because they are ignorant of the law, or maybe even out of complete rebellion or carelessness.

Bible college was insightful at times, however there seemed to be a lot of debating. While some asked questions out of pure hunger or knowledge or understanding, some also seemed to pose loaded questions in order to validate some pre-disposed notion or belief and get the professor or classmates to join in with the opinion. However subjective or objective, one question and topic seemed to stand out amongst the rest: law (or works) vs faith.

I guess I always saw the law as a skeletal system for faith. Faith is a huge, sprawling, giant canvas, a tapestry of colours, words, harmonies, notes, and movement that is completely fluid, ever-changing and moving along with the people that comprise it. But as with every painting, every canvas, artwork exists within confines, clear-cut boundaries and lines. Artwork, to me, is not necessarily thinking outside of the box, it is filling the proverbial box with something out of the ordinary, something that it was not originally intended to be filled with. Nevertheless, there are still parameters within which the art must exist otherwise it devolves into something messy and gaudy.

To me, the law set forth in Scripture are the guidelines by which we live that enrich and enhance our faith, our discipleship over others, and our attitude in general. When we start to "throw out" law or mandates that we see as less important, we give way to danger and recklessness in our lives. While we might still get to our destination intact and alive, think of the stress and hurt we might inadvertently cause along the way. Breaking the law is not sufficient to nullify our faith, this is where grace takes the reins and saves us from ourselves. Rather, the law itself is the pathway to freedom, peace, and a life-giving lifestyle.

Nevertheless, even the messiest and gaudiest of art is still art. Our messy lives can sometimes be a motivational or inspiring story of redemption and the true changing power of Yeshua. The journey, while imperfect, can nevertheless end in a glorious victory, especially when we allow Him to be the artist and not try to paint it all by our own moral standards.

science

Fore-ward: I am no rocket scientist. I do not have much in the way of scientific credentials save for a grueling stint in AP Chemistry classes, but this is what I know of and believe about science without knowing everything.

Some Christians fear science. If you want my honest opinion on the matter, some Christians fear science because they fear that one day irrefutable proof will be provided that completely, 100%, beyond argument disproves the existence of God. In short, I believe their faith is limited and, deep down, they do not trust their own beliefs and have doubt about them.

Doubt is OK, in my books. Science is humble in that it knows what it knows, but it also knows what it does not know. There are doubts in the scientific community about this and about that, so experiments ensue until a bonafide answer beyond all reasonable doubt can be established. I respect and applaud the scientific community greatly for their constant search for the truth and their willingness to hold off on belief until proven otherwise. Science has shown us that it has been something that can be proven, there can be a determinable outcome and a defined outcome. It has been proven as being meant to understand.

Faith is different, obviously. Faith requires one to make a choice and choose a conclusion without being presented with all the facts upfront. Faith is believing in a pre-concluded outcome transpiring before the outcome is either realized or shown to be folly. Our assurances that our faith is well-placed come from a place that is honest within us, from a part of our brain that we regard with trust, generally because of a behavioral consistency that builds up an immunity to doubt. On an aside, this is why those who have had their trust broken time and time again struggle with shallow faith. If you are used to constantly being let down by people or circumstances you thought you could trust, then faith is going to be a very high mountain to try and climb.

I digress, though, and get back to the subject at hand: faith and science are quite different and often regarded as oil and water, or apples and oranges. They are simply polar opposites and, while they can exist in congruence with one another, they are labeled as not being able to play ball in the same park. Wrong.

Imagine if you will that God decided to show up one day and wanted to share just a little fact with, something much less grand than some might expect at the arrival of God. Let us suppose for one moment that God said "I made the sky, but I did not make it blue. I made it lovely and expansive, something to be marveled at and to be enjoyed. 'Blue' is what you made it by your human definition and classification." We ourselves have been responsible for setting the scientific standards. In our quest and discovery of the scientific world we gain an understanding how it all works, what it is comprised of, where it belongs (in terms of classification), and how to react to it, but we have no say in its creation. All we have ever created are organisms or structures that are made out of something that already existed, something created apart from human effort.

This is where I draw the line in science being the eventual answer to the creation of the universe. There was existence prior to human existence, and we can never grasp what that might be. It will forever remain unproven because it exists outside of our time, our understanding, our comprehension. We can break everything down to its most basic and simple atomic level, but where did that atom come from? Where did the simplest form of life come from? Everything cannot be created from something. Something has to exist on its own, a creation in itself. Saying that such things "BANG" just one day appeared seems about the most plausible thing apart from Creation that makes sense to me because it is so utterly ludicrous. The scientific would will tell you they have no answer, they have no comprehension, no understanding of what actually put us here.

I saw an atheist today tell me that logical thought and scientific reasoning have brought him to the conclusion that there is no God. I have said all I have said to say that I see this as illogical. No man has proven the origin of man or the universe, so by definition, there is no logical conclusion, faith is once again called upon and required right there in the smack dab middle of the scientific world. 

We as a people are prone to rebellion, driven to it at times it seems. To beat rebellion our parents spend our entire childhood teaching and training us to behave, be polite, mind our manners, be selfless. These things do not come naturally, they have to be learned due to our rebellious nature. If you ask me, I do not believe we were meant to understand it all. In the Garden a bigger choice than to eat the apple or not eat the apple was made. God told Adam and Eve they could enjoy all that He had given them, enjoy His creation, and live in abundance, peace, and perfect health. He also said that Adam and Eve could imbue themselves with the knowledge of good and evil, the understanding behind what was meant to be enjoyed. Acting within the bounds of human propensity to rebel but to also gain understanding and knowledge, the apple was plucked.

I think for every Christian that is scared we might one day figure it all out and find out God is not real is an Atheist who is scared that we might not actually ever know everything, that we as humankind are limited and Someone greater exists. To acknowledge that means giving over a great deal of power and subservience that is contrary to our will, some of us more than others. But, that .... that is the science of man. And this ... this is the science of my faith.

society

The other night I was speaking to someone about their passion in life, what it was they truly wanted to do if the right doors would open up. They expressed their desire to work with children in the missions realm so I had to ask, "so why are you not doing that," a question I ask myself quite often, to be honest. It came down to a very simple answer about the need for a job and money. I felt an affinity with her plight as I too have the same answer, at least for now.

In Matthew 21 Yeshua is telling a wealthy man that he could be perfect if he would sell all he had, gave it to the poor, and then followed him. On the surface, this story has been used by preachers for years as a clearly defined example of Jesus denouncing greed and being rich. While I am not here to have a theological discourse about the validity of that supposition, I do wish to explore the scope of this further.

Society is a weird thing. We have formulated for ourselves a defined path which one must embark on in order to achieve nominal success. When things started out they were much simpler. We provided food for ourselves by killing things that had meat, we built shelter from crude material to stay warm and protect us from the elements, and we fiercely guarded that which was ours: our family. Over time we began to become more complex and understand things further. Where we once toyed with bone and rock, we now were crafting microchips and lasers. In order to understand these things and harness them in such a way as to advance our world we had to build institutions of higher learning so that we could essentially further perpetuate the cycle of man's understanding and then subsequent development of both how we understand ourselves as well as the sciences.

In exploring every last nook and cranny of the physical world we began to see how things were broken down, to their very most basic, atomic level. We then believed that God simply must not exist because we had figured out how things work and, if we understand how it works, then we must be as smart as God and, therefore, he cannot be bigger, wiser and more powerful than us. Humanism began to be a bigger, more widespread and prevalent staple of our culture. And, with humanism came the desire to make ourselves great, to be a not just a people, but an individual person of extreme success and stature, a god among men: someone revered and admired head& shoulders above others.

This is where I think we all went wrong. Power. Immeasurable and obtainable power. It existed because we had created the capacity within which it could exist. We blew up the bubble and then told other people they had the power to fill it with their destinies. And when the bubble got full, man had the innate proclivity to want more, so he found ways to make the capacity bigger, his ceiling higher, limitless if possible. And now, our measure of power is shown to others in the things we have. What we drive, what we wear, what we live in, what we own can tell other people that we are important or well off, that we have blown our balloon up and managed to fit bigger and better things inside. Since human tendency is to want to achieve not just the success of others but to surpass it, we set our bar and standards, and life becomes a race to get the most toys. But there is a saying: he who dies with the most toys still dies.

When Jesus got angry at the men selling goods in the church I do not think he meant to set forth a standard that espoused that the Church should be precluded from selling coffee or books within its walls. Instead, I believe he found men who were using the church as a means of personal gain and not respecting it for what it was: an outreach and center for His community. Instead, they were using what was holy for nothing other than personal gain and accumulation. When the wealthy man came to Jesus and He told him how to be perfect, He was giving the man a deeper lesson than to eschew money: He was telling the man he had to start living outside of societal conditions.

The wealthy man had bought into a system, most likely that of marketplace buying and selling that allowed him to amass a fortune. This was his life, and the fact that he had money meant he probably spent most of his life doing business and being business-minded. With success comes more restrictions than one would usually expect. Even the richest of men are in constant search for extra time to do the things they want to do. Trust me ... I know, I work for some of them.

And, so there are many people like me and the person I mentioned at the beginning who find ourselves torn... having the desires of our hearts sometimes trumped by the inevitable and inescapable dependence on the established workforce to earn income and provide for ourselves. In our strive for power, for things, for keeping up with societal constraints and expectations, I believe we as humanity have only furthered the gap between ourselves and God. Getting back to Him and His heart sometimes seems improbable or downright impossible when I truly think about how ineffective I can be when I am tethered to a work schedule.

When I ask myself how I can "go and disciple" or " ... leave [my] things and follow ... ," I still do not know what that looks like (beyond the daydreams I have had and the prayers I have spoken or thought). I do not have all the answers, I cannot tell humanity what the complicated and involved answer to it all is, I cannot even tell myself. I only know it starts out with one thing: Jesus. The desires of our hearts are upon His own and if you are feeling stuck or hindered then know that He wants our desires to be fulfilled. Our response to his invitation to fulfilled desires, though, is faith. Faith that requires the ability and trust to let go of the societal safety and status we cling to and give way for only His will to be done.

feast

There was once (and still is, I am sure) a boy named Billy. Billy was best described as bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, a real go-getter who saw the world as his oyster and wanted nothing more than to experience everything creation had to offer him. With reckless abandonment, Billy took hold of everything he could get his hands on. Realizing that his hands were not big enough to hold it all in, Billy took a taste of everything before proceeding to the next thing, and the next thing, and the next thing. Before long, Billy had a long list of things he had tasted, but realized something tragic: he could not recall how anything really tasted. In the quiet times of the evening, Billy wanted to dwell on a specific memory, something rich and rewarding that would give him comfort before dipping into a deep slumber. But, each night, Billy found himself instead immersed in longing as the sleepies drifted in.

Billy wanted to explore an experience in his mind to the fullest. He wanted to be able to recall every little bite, every flavour he tasted as it went down his throat. He wanted to remember the joy of feeling full, sometimes uncomfortably, or how tantalized his senses felt at the moment of dining. But, Billy could not distinguish one experience from the other, nothing significant stood out, and he had nothing substantial to draw from...

In an orchard stood a large tree. She had spent years and years drinking vital nutrients from the rich soil. She had spent years and years thriving and soaking up every last drop of rainfall, every last ray of sunshine. The beautiful tree had spent years going from a weak and flimsy sapling into a large and strong sight, her branches long and firm, her leaves lush and green. When the time was right, the mighty tree began to see something beautiful between her leaves, many red orbs that began to dangle almost precariously (but firmly) from its branches. In the right light was an almost infinite depth of ruby red gleaning off of each smooth surface. These apples were some of the best a young boy could taste, a sweet, cool crispness on a warm spring day. The tree was proud for she had nourished herself well, established her roots, and was now producing beautiful, rich fruit. Tall and dignified, she stood waiting for nothing more than for someone to come along and partake in that which she had grown, that which she had worked so hard to develop.

Through the years she saw many people pass by, sometimes near, sometimes far. When she was still young and had not yet developed her fruits, people marveled at her beauty but kept on their way. Once she had spent enough time developing herself, however, one spring day, something different happened. Over the rich, lush, green meadow hills she saw a small figure approaching rapidly, a lean human with with a boyish grin splashed across a slightly dirty (yet sweet) face, a face enveloped by a full head of hair fluttering in the breeze. When she saw the spirited, joyful-looking boy, she wanted nothing more than for him to see not just her beauty, but to see the fruits of her labor, the work that she had done in herself that made her so strong and proud.

Alas, with utter disappointment and grief, she watched and felt young Billy simply pluck one of her red delicious apples off one of her shorter, lower branches, take a bite, then discard the rest on the ground without seemingly a care. With an unfulfilled yearning deep within her roots, she could do nothing more than watch as young Billy proceeded to run off into the distance, disappearing over the horizon.

While the genders could be reversed in this situation, the meaning is the same: the relationship between Billy and the tree could have been mutually beneficial had Billy taken the time to value the tree and the fruit it had to offer instead of chasing after his every whim and boyish desire. 

When God told Adam "eat everything but that one fruit" in the Garden, I believe His purpose was to teach Adam that not everything that can be seen should be tasted. There is to be discretion and boundaries in our lives that safeguard us, protect us from knowledge which can later hinder or hurt us or, most importantly, hurt those that deserve our utmost respect and value. When Billy embarked on a journey to "taste it all," he began to taste things he had not intended on tasting: disappointment, regret, even discouragement. I bet Billy might even have gone as far to think there might not be anything beautiful or of value left in the world because he had gotten a little taste from everything, and nothing satisfied. nothing left a trace of fulfillment in his life.

I remember when a large, sizzling steak covered in bubbling butter and grilled onions was placed in front of me at Ruth's Chris Steakhouse at my graduation dinner. I valued what was placed in front of me, I spent ample time carefully cutting every little piece, chewing slowly, and tasting every morsel, every bit of juice that squished out with each bite. That steak was not just a simple meal, it was an experience, one that still causes me to salivate when I dwell on it today, ten years later. 

And so should we regard the heart the same. To taste love through constant flirtation, casual interactions, and fleeting intentions might give us a small sample of it all, but we further the desire within to truly feast upon the true, infinite depth of love. In our snacking we might stave off starvation, but we will never know the richness of what was meant to be enjoyed in a deep and savory manner.

free

I was watching a television show the other day involving a high school teacher who discovers he has cancer and decides to go to drastic lengths in order to provide his family with enough money to cover their expenses (college, clothing, food, etc.) after he passes on. He finds himself in the company of criminals and happens upon a man who will, for a fee, take responsibility for committing a crime and going to jail for you. It is explained that the man feels much more bound in "freedom" than he is in prison where he gets his daily meal, a warm bed, people to talk to, and enough to scrape by.

In his freedom he finds himself bound to the every day struggle life can be: making money, having resources, being a valued member of the community, and holding down a job.

I had a friend recently tell me that he was glad to be done with Christianity, that he was happy he could just do the things he wanted and that got him by: heavy drinking, rampant partying, and casual sex. I looked back to my own time when counsel was given to me and I had a realization of how much bondage those things can truly keep you in. It is not necessarily the acts themselves which are the root of the issue, but more so the empty heart behind them.

The man who got by in prison, I guess he got just enough to get by: bland prison food, a decent bed, and people he may or may not be able to trust at all times, but think of the richness he was denying himself. In faith, we can find our relationships deepened to the point of giving us fulfillment and deep satisfaction. When David and Jonathan had one another, they were as brothers who lacked nothing as a result of their deep-rooted relationship with one another. Faith can open the doors to a community of depth and living beyond mere sustenance. Still, it can be tempting to reach for the instant gratification, the vices that are a purchase or phone call away.

I think God made the deeper things of life harder to attain because he did not want us to get used to reaching for the things that were within easy reach when we are at our laziest. Threaded throughout the Scriptures are calls to perseverance, strength, tenacity. It says, for instance, that he who does not work does not eat. While this could be taken literally, I think there is a whole lot of things that could be listed there in lieu of "eat." 

Faith by works makes sense to be only in the sense that each and every day we have to work on making choices that are congruent with those of Yeshua's. It is no easy task to be patient, to stay level-headed, or to resist anger when some things happen to us, it takes time, understanding, and learning to build a resilience. And, until said resilience is built, we constantly have to defend our hearts and guard what is valuable within us and to us as well.

Faith was never meant to be easy or a proverbial walk in the park. Faith opens the door to an understanding and belief that gives us a foundation from which we can work and build our lives, our attitudes, our reactions to the people and things that we encounter on a daily basis. Freedom does not afford us the right to be lazy and have everything work out as we stroll along, it merely gives us the right to stand for what we believe, fight for those who are weaker than us, and build a legacy based out of a fruitful life and spirit. We are free from constantly being on the defensive and having to heal from when we allow ourselves to be wounded by things that happen to us, things that cause us to believe something contrary to that which is true about us. There is an inherent strength in us afforded by faith, but that strength enables to be the people on the outside of the fence free to live a deep life enriched by the people, the places, and the experiences within it.

captive

There was a man who said that if you controlled a man's heart then you controlled him as well. Every day our emotions are played upon in the world of marketing and advertising. If the company behind the ads can make you feel like you need to buy something, then they will see your dollars in your hands often enough. They want to captivate you, they want you to be their captive. If they own your heart, they will own your wallet.

We as humans do it to each other. We take things we say to one another or do to one another, and we exploit them, wave them in each others faces, and we take advantage of other people's feelings so we can get what we want out of them (which is a long list of things I will refrain from posting here). We take an emotion the other person has felt or is susceptible to feeling and use to to hold that person hostage. For example: a person I once knew was given information on how to help his marriage. He was told "it is obvious your wife feels this way, so to help her stop feeling this way, you should treat her like [this]." Defensive and angry, the man instead confronted his wife and said "Is it true you feel this way?! Is it true you are ______ and _______ ?!?! In spite of everything I do for you, you don't trust me?!" Any good counselor will tell you that this defensiveness will only push the walls up higher and make the heart harder to access, not bring about true connectivity.

And, my friends, it sadly seeps into our faith. Christianity itself has suffered greatly because of the emotional captivity some people make of it. I think back to tracts in the 80s or early 90s that were only interested in shoveling people's sins into the spotlight, exposing that person as a "rotten sinner," and convince them they were deserving of one thing only: hell. So many people were held hostage by guilt, living out their Christian lives not in a manner of freedom, but in bondage to the worry and fear they would never be good enough. Outsiders and non-believers or even those who claim faith but yet have little have a lot of discord in their lives. There is a major lack of peace simply because our every day lives are dependent on us being hostage to feelings others have placated onto ourselves or us on ourselves as a result of others influence on us. Why would they openly accept and invite further captivity, and to guilt at that, into their lives?

I know the freedom from guilt did not really come about in my own life until I had an epiphany and started to truly believe who I am. I became cognizant of  not only the abilities within me, but also of the authority I have within me, of the responsibility I have to be a whole person and share my understanding with others. It was no longer time for me to be a person who kept other people hostage, but to be someone who gave them the keys to set themselves free.

In order to connect people to faith, especially those who have none, you have to show them the solid and wide bridge they have access to (the awareness of God's power within us), not the crusty, narrow, decaying old suspension bridge (a result of only having faith in our own selves: susceptible to failure) that they better hang on to if they want to make it to the other side. There is a fortitude in one possessing a faith that can trust and can love freely, and it is enough to empower anyone to feel an ease to invest in something that can be very difficult and trying along the way. I in no way mean to say that living a faith-filled life is a casual walk in the park: it requires a higher degree of diligence, perseverance, and exertion than what we have on our own. But, that is what the community is for, that is what healthy connectivity to our faith is is: a means in which we can overcome the hardships and travesties of life and grow in strength and wisdom.

Imagine in my earlier example of the husband and wife that the husband, instead of getting defensive, instead says "I understand that you feel _____, let me show you how you can instead feel ______." Or maybe he says nothing at all but, instead, lives it out as an example of the good things his wife has access to. We are called upon to be disciples, to be shining lights, to be strength where weakness abounds, not for our own benefit, but to be an example, a guiding light and a compass pointed towards the connectivity we robbed ourselves of with the simple act of eating a little piece of forbidden fruit.

give

In scripture, a parable is shared by Yeshua in Luke. In it, a Jewish man is left naked and desolate by the side of the road, asking those who pass him for help. As the story goes, some men walk over him or around him and cannot be bothered to lend a hand. Eventually, a Samaritan man stops and renders aid to the man, taking him in and clothing and feeding him. The kicker of the story here is that Jews and Samaritans historically despised one another, so this good Samaritan was a man with a heart bigger than his social status.

I admit that it is a very touching story, one that fires off the emotional synapses within myself, so with that said, I suppose I must also admit I am a hypocrite.

Austin is densely populated with a substantial homeless population. It is hard to find a corner in any part of the city or suburbs that is devoid of someone holding and a sign and seeking some help. I am going to be honest and say that I have some of the same pre-conceived notions that others do: they are going to use my money for drugs, or for alcohol, or something else nefarious. So oftentimes I keep the windows and the music up and wait for the light to turn green before going about my way. I hate that. I pride myself on being someone who does not think of or expect the worst from people. I want to give people the benefit of the doubt and expect the best possible results. I know it is hard to do so as it is oftentimes easier to expect little and stave off disappointment. But, it is so much better to be able to handle disappointment competently and, therefore, treat people with the best expectations in mind.

Nevertheless, a lifetime of lessons learned from or stories told by others had me set in my stubborn mindset in regards to panhandlers. Then, something changed. The other night I was getting out of my car. I had not planned appropriately for the drop in temperature and found myself in frigid air and without a coat to give me some warmth: I was so cold that it hurt. I went inside my house and a random thought just hit me: there are people who live in this weather. There are people who call the outdoors (a bridge, a bench, an alley, an abandoned home or warehouse) their home, people without a coat, or a heated space to walk into and live in. At that very moment I wanted to find some way to give a blanket or a jacket to all the people who have to brave the cold weather, give them some degree of comfort in circumstances that afford them very little.

So today on my lunch break in the midst of a lot of hustle and bustle I was given my chance. I sat there at the red light, music enveloping every square-inch of my car interior. And then came a bearded man with matted gray hair and a sign telling me he has been down for so long that it was starting to feel like up. I cried. Not a gut-wrenching, bawling howl, but my chin got a little wet, and I dug for every everything I could find. I was nervous: what would the other commuters think, that I was irresponsible for enabling a lazy alcoholic? I knew that was a dissenter within me speaking and I quieted him the only way I knew how by turning down the music, rolling down the window, and giving every last bit of cash I had on me.

I do not know if my gift gave that man any warmth, or if I gave him the luxury of another day that he did not go hungry. All I know is that I felt a calling, an obligation and a duty to be of service to this man, this person who is my equal. I could see myself living in his shoes, if I would be in them, would I be bold enough to carry my sign and beg for the charity of strangers? Maybe, maybe not. Nevertheless, when I spoke the words "God bless you" to him, I hope he heard in my voice that I meant it with every fiber of my being.

I do not know what lesson I can share with other people. Sometimes I just hope my own honesty and story-telling can incite a thought in someone else, or maybe even something bigger. For myself, I hope that I can become someone who does not just wait for the right moment to do something good, but seeks out those moments and inspires others.

cost

Our world is very much dictated by trade, by our resources, and by our currency. Every day countries negotiate the value of the resources they have as well as need, and then trade organically flows. We go to shopping malls, mom-and-pop operations, antique stores, garage sales, retail stores, grocery stores, and sidewalk vendors to gaze at and oftentimes purchase items which are valuable to that particular location.There are items that particular individual or company has determined to be of value to the general public, or maybe even private collectors, and so things are bought so they can be sold, and sold so they can be bought or collected, or just used. Supply-and-demand is listed on Wikipedia as being "an economic model of price determination in a market." That to say, the rarer the item, the more it is worth.

In this model it is simple to affirm that our value is priceless, that because we are the only us on the globe, that there is nothing that can cheapen who we are, there is no man or woman who can tell us we are worth less than we actually are. My friend Lauren actually touched on this very topic yesterday, but it is also one that had come up over the weekend for me, so apparently our signals were in alignment at some point. She illustrated that how we let people treat us is in direct correlation with how we value ourselves.

God did not ant there to be any confusion whatsoever with where our value lies. Various scriptures discuss treating others as equals (Romans 12:3), or not showing favoritism to those in power over those who might be handicapped or weak (Matthew 9:10-13, James 2:1), and how God shuns those who put themselves above others (James 4:6). There are various other places that all seem to give me one big idea: we all hold the same priceless value. There is no man who ought to think lesser or greater of him or herself than someone else because, to Him who made us, we all come without a price tag and each one of us matters equally.

It is hard to see this in modern day society. We try to put proverbial price tags on ourselves with our possessions, our clothes, even our hairstyles (you won't catch this boy spending more than $25 on a cut, and he still looks good), but it is all meaningless. Worthless. I have found some of the richest people to be those that blend in and do not stand out. And to those that like the boost that a new designer jacket or pair of jeans can give you: enjoy it, revel in it, we all like to look nice and be our best for people, just do not forget that at the end of the day, you are just as special and valuable without that thing than you are with it.

family

It is certainly not my intention to brag, but I must give credit where it is due: I have one amazing family.

Family, to me, is meant to be your collection of ambassadors to the world. Your parents raise you, instill wisdom, values, and learning, help to develop you as much as possible mentally, emotionally, and physically, and also affirm you and help validate you. It is a lot of responsibility, the weight of which is paramount. My parents bore that weight well. They not only provided a safe and wholesome childhood (all bad paths I took were completely of my own selfish curiosity), but have helped me in ways that are almost embarrassing to admit.

Then there are my sisters, though very different they have taught me how to value the heart and gentle spirit of the female. I have to say that some of my lessons were learned in hindsight (sorry for the time I knocked you over with my backpack in the snow, Kikken), but I don't think I would fully be the socially-imbued individual I am today if not for them. They have been predominant in the way of teaching me how to just enjoy life and have as much fun along the way as possible.

I say all that to say this: while all families have their disagreements and miscommunications, you always have them at the end of the day, you will always belong to them, and them to you (no matter how high or thick the walls you put up can be sometimes). You will always share the same heart, the same blood, the same heritage. You are married to this community.

There are a lot of intellects who think very highly of themselves and see belief in God as a crutch, something people need to lean on in order to give themselves some hope or chance of finding security when there is none in their lives. I will not go into my own suppositions about the person who thinks they are too smart to need anyone other than themselves, but, suffice to say there is intrinsic value within a community that carries no price tag: it is priceless. In fact, the people who feel as though they are not tied to society or to a community are generally likely to be suicidal sociopaths (sorry to flex my social psychology background muscles here).

I acknowledge there are people who do go to church with broken families, broken relationships, and broken trust who are looking to or for something to bring about mending in their lives. I do not begin to dare to say these people are weak, though some would write them off as such. What I can say that is that it is evident they are in need. And, if their need is to go to church or accept God as a crutch, then more power to them: at least they are acknowledging a power greater than their own and are willing to tap into it. The purpose of a crutch is to bring about healing, to allow what has been broken to be strong and whole once again. The true measure of that individual is when they turn brokenness into victory and are able to function as a support to someone else comes comes along afterwards.

One of my favorite moments as a prayer partner is when I speak imminent victory over the individual's life, that what they bear now will one day be a testimony and a story of encouragement to others who follow them with the same burden(s). We as the church are a family: dysfunctional at times, but ultimately interested in providing the love, validation, and acceptance one needs to build strength within themselves. And while some would argue this is weakness and only weak people need God, I think one would be hard-pressed to find a healthy individual who exists outside of a community and has not had another person in their life who pushed them to be the best person they could be.

I am not afraid to admit that my beliefs were a natural choice because of my parents. I found my own faith, but it was hard to rebuff God when my parents have always been His best ambassadors to me, when they have shown me love without condition greater and more times than I could ever count or repay. Special thanks to Michael Ray, Cheryl, Kristen Renee, and Sarah Nicole for making this entry and this life possible.

live

Back in biblical days there were religious/political leaders with a good deal of notoriety: The Pharisees. That word is associated with negative connotation for good cause, in my opinion. Here was a group of people well-versed in things religious who had a lot of knowledge and strong political influence. Like some who are dealt power and a position of leadership, they used their knowledge to belittle other people. I could suppose this might have been due to their need for religious & spiritual validation (which some people unhealthily seek by belittling or being condescending towards other people), but their motives and hearts are unknown.

What is known is that these men were constantly throwing scripture at people, constantly blasting the law at all times, and attempting to make men feel small or inadequate by comparing them to their own personal standards. The Pharisees thought they had figured it out best, and only those who measured up to their standards were going to make the religious cut.

Funny thing is that the very Son of God came along and basically gave a sentence of damnation to those who acted or spoke like the Pharisees. Here they were trying their best to make everyone feel guilty (we use the Christianese word "convicted" these days) by purporting their own standards and way of living, then someone shows up and smacks the proverbial caviar off their trays. Well we all know wounded pride is the mother of offense and this all led way to a murderous conclusion, but what else can be learned by all this?

I would like to think that we are given a prime example of how to live and how to lead. There was a love that has transcended through centuries that was shown, a love which trumped law, legalism, and religion. Jesus' own parables usually gave people a sense of indignation about those wronged in the stories he told, but those people who heard said stores searched their own hearts to see if they possessed qualities like the ones they abhorred hearing so much. His stories were devoid of finger pointing but were, instead, an open-handed approach where He unfolded his hands, offered a story, and let the lessons fall where they may as they naturally permeated the hearts of those present. This just illustrates He understood something basic about human nature: we all have an intrinsic desire to be better people.

When someone hears something that touches a nerve (because it touches on a sensitive area that is a weak place in our lives), their senses all come alive and spring to action. Our first reaction might be to get defensive which is why Jesus' approach was such a good one. He brought light to the dark places without pointing anyone out. He obviously knew that people respond best when left to their own devices, when information is shared with them as opposed to it being shoved down their throats or used as a divisive tool to separate those who thought they were more religious from those who did not appear to be (at least according to Pharisee standards).

In my own learning and growing as a person of faith I pray daily that the things which are revealed to me be passed on through my own life. I pray I not use what I learn or know to feel or act better than anyone else, but that I might shed light or clarity on a place previously cloudy or obscured even if not intended. In the same vain, I pray for people in my life that also equip and strengthen me not by chastisement, but by a daily life lived well and purposeful. If I could have nothing more than that in this world, I would continue to be a truly thankful and content man.